In May of 2017, I estimate I was nearing the unhealthiest place in my life.

What did that look like? Well, the scale said 389lbs. My voice spoke “I’m doing great!”. My spirit was dull. My heart was guarded.

I hid behind my complimenting color ONLY wardrobe, a sarcastic “sense of humor” (aka passively processing my lack of emotional awareness and deflecting away from my emotional stagnancy) all while I dove headfirst into my education and then a full-time career!

Change?! You want me to do what?! Ain’t no one got time for fixing something not broken…

I’m happy enough! I’m an Amazon. My bones are just big, See my wrist?

I’m supposed to be a Big Beautiful Woman. That’s what men tell me at least…

SKURRRRRRRRRRRRRTT!

Can you tell me what is “OFF” about what you have read?

It’s okay, you have time to scroll up and think what could be so wrong with that I have told you…

Ok, I will tell you.

I have always been my own worst critic but the Sh*T! I said is straight-up triggering ALL my fears and insecurities. Example: being a Big Beautiful girl….friend-zoned or ghosted by who I wanted and desired by those I was not attracted to.

Why is this even important? because every time I said those things, I willingly stepped back into a cycle of unhealthy self-sabotage in SOME area of my life!

Let’s take it back a little bit…

Ever since I was a kid, I have found comfort in food.

Food distracted me through my parents’ divorce, a family pattern of alcoholism, and the loss of my father to cancer when I was 16. I have had family tell me stories about how I was always at the food table…dating back to when I was, like….

*thinks dramatically* THREE year old?!

Many, if not all, of my childhood memories, have food associated with them. I am not entirely sure at what age an innocent love of food turned into a chemical dependency.

At that point (mid to late 90’s) people had no idea how impactful the food and beverages influenced them compared to present day.

One day it’s let’s go get an ice cream cone with Pops, the next it’s Sugar is BLISS to

I NEED something SWEET!

Don’t even mention when I was going thru some emotional shit.

To my parents out there….How do you even handle that as parent? Especially since it has been building itself from a system that you primarily have the most control over? At least I’m not a drug addict?

**shrugs confusingly?**

Anyways, the rest of those reflections will be in my book. Make sure you stay connected to learn how I am NOT resentful of my parents.

I HEALED.

oh ya, look at her!

Keep scrolling

Fast Forward to The Decision

The irony is that I was able to function and keep myself even more distracted from the cyclical depressive episodes and high functioning anxiety.

I became not only chemically imbalanced in my brain (sugar and serotonin), my behaviors were reinforced by a codependent thought process and one HELLA reactive Central Nervous System.

I was trapped in my own chaos.

I chose a career of helping and caring for others — I became a clinical mental health and addictions therapist. Help everyone else before helping myself. Always had someone else’s problems to solve. … over, and over, and over again.

Do yourself a favor right now…

Get used to the word CODEPENDENCY.

It’s not bad. It is required for healthy human relationships.

IN A BALANCED AMOUNT!

What is a balanced amount, you say? I cannot tell you exactly as I do not live your life. But I CAN tell you how it presented in my life.

Leaving ONLY 6-8 semi-conscious hours for myself a DAY with little to no self-respect for my health, low self esteem, lack of awareness, poor personal identity…you get the point? Or should I keep going?

I’ll keep going…

Inconsistent and ineffective communication of my thoughts and emotions. Scared to disappoint anyone. Fear of being a bad friend. Unable to look at myself naked. Overcompensating my lack of self-efficacy and feelings of shame about being unlovable in the form(s) of procrastination, hypersexuality, and detrimental financial decision-making.

I remember thinking that I was almost 30 years old and hadn’t had many experiences that made me happy. My relationships were short and based on sexual validation; my friendships were based on some very unhealthy lifestyle patterns despite the fun had and memories made… they were unhealthy because I was unhealthy. I had to buy new things to make myself feel better, and honestly, I was over feeling broken and tired.

I was perpetually causing my own problems and I couldn’t blame anyone else….

and then the lightbulb went off…

And so I decided to practice what I preach.

I found my RightSize Perspective.

So, now that you have a glimpse into my closet,

I can bring you up to speed on how to

attain your RightSize Perspective.

Please be patient with me as I am on a mission to change the world…

Make sure to add yourself to the contact list below for updates on upcoming events and information about what I am up to!

Trust me, you will want to be involved!

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